Pity Parrrrtay!

You are cordially invited Kashi’s Pity Party 2012. This one is shaping up to be a real monster, the likes of which have not been seen since 2007 (don’t ask).

You know when something is on your mind you suddenly notice it everywhere? That has been my experience as of late – I feel like everything I  see or hear running related mentions injuries (oh, and side rant here – to anyone who is thinking “yup, see, this is why people should not run, they always get injured and it’s just not good for you!” let me just reply to you in my calmest tone through gritted teeth – this is exactly the 2nd time I have been injured in my 21 YEARS of running and even this would have been avoided  had I not run the race. At last check, my resting heart rate was 55, my blood pressure in the neighborhood of 108/68, my cholesterol 161, my bone density good and iron levels on par with a man’s. The only time I have been hospitalized was with appendicitis. So yeah, sometimes when you use the machine called your body, it gets jacked up and requires rest but I don’t see how any of this translates into how running is bad for me. Thank you and good night! :: end rant :: ).  I don’t believe in long-dead relatives sending me messages (partly because I don’t believe in an afterlife, but more so because if there happens to be one I hope it is comprised of better things to do than dealing with dopey mortals and their lame problems), but if I did, I would be certain someone was trying to tell me something:

1. Secrets to a Lifetime of Running – article in the November issue of Runners World that discusses some of the keys to longevity. From the section under injuries:

“There is only one method almost guaranteed to work: Stop running. This has been the hardest lesson I’ve had to absorb in 50 years, and the one I wish I had learned better many decades ago. When your feet, ankles, calf muscles, shins, knees, quads, hamstrings, or hips hurt, stop running. Now. Not the day after tomorrow, next week, or next month. Get real. Take time off immediately. Here’s why: The vast majority of of injured runners have soft-tissue problems–that is, sore muscles, strained tendons, joint inflammation, and the like. These are not broken bones or ACL tears. You don’t need a splint or a surgeon. You just need to give your body time to repair itself.”

2. Episode 152 of Marathon Talk where they chat with Andrew Lemoncello who recently had a disastrous race that ended with a DNF and he manages to have an “ahh, well, nothing I can do but be positive and work towards healing, even though I am a professional runner and have a baby on the way and no real medical insurance to cover any of these costs” attitude which I found slightly jarring as it is so far from my own current state of mind and I have a lot less at stake.

3. A recent NY Times magazine article in which they profile a teenage girl who can’t sense pain – pressure yes, but pain, no. This has led to no end of trouble for the poor lass as she’s quite susceptible to burning herself and all other manner of unintended self-harm because she can’t receive the pain messages that protect most of us from hurting ourselves. “Pain is a gift” the article boldly states – literally, in bold print in large font size in the middle of the page, as if shouting out to me to be grateful for the fact that I can tell that something is wrong and can prevent further damage.

But here’s the problem (and why this pity party is going to be epic) – I know that resting is the answer, but the tears I am shedding on a daily basis are not making that particular pill any easier to swallow.  I don’t care that I should be positive and look on the bright side (“hey, it’s just soft tissue, it will heal!You can still swim and be active in the meantime! And, oh, hey, no one’s dead and your bills are paid and you have a roof over your head and you did not get your arm stuck under a boulder and have to cut it off with a dull blade so this is not even an actual problem!”). I don’t care that pain is a gift and furthermore, if this is someone’s idea of a gift, please take me off that Secret Santa list. I don’t care that there are, oh, 8 bajillion problems that people deal with that are way worse and harder than this one. None of that “put it in perspective” stuff is working with me right now. The only thing I am currently capable of is wallowing.

One day soon, I hope to be able to see this for what it is – a small bump in the road. But right now it feels like Mt. Everest. It’s insane to me how hard not running is – I literally feel like I’m coming apart at the seams. The worst part is that the best way I know how to deal with stress is to run and just when I need it the most, it is not an option.

They say attitude is everything and mine sucks. So where do I go from here?

PS While looking for a graphic for a “pity party” I came across a guy’s blog who has terminal cancer. And now I feel like even more of a douche.


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23 responses to “Pity Parrrrtay!

  1. beth1446

    Am I invited? I’m getting the results for my MRI Monday. Who has the violin?

    • oh man, TWO concurrent pity parties?? i bet the police will be called and the aftermatch is gonna take a lot of work to clean-up!
      seriously, good luck with your results. let me know what happens, i have been thinking about you!

  2. Bel

    A few things here.

    1. Everyone is entitled to a pity party once in a while. You are not an exception. Even the cheeriest of cheerleaders can be down, so it’s totally acceptable.

    2. It REALLY bothers me to be reminded of how good I have it when something is bothering me a lot. I do tend to keep the big picture in mind most of the time and I’m able to be grateful for what I have and move on, but sometimes you just can’t. Case in point, all of my birthday was overlooked because of the hurricane and my mother getting ready for surgery. To the point where I was cooking my own birthday dinner and my mother was yelling at me for making such a big meal and wondering why I wouldn’t just order pizza or something and I had to remind her it was my birthday. Trivial I know but it bothered me. And it pissed me off to no end to be reminded that at least I still had a mother and a house and minimal damage. So those people who aren’t taking you seriously need to get over themselves. What is trivial to one person can be a huge deal to another. And you seem to be thankful and looking on the bright side most of the time so you’re allowed to be down about things. It’s not OK to invalidate a person’s emotions just because you don’t share them or can’t relate.

    3. Pity party away but make sure it’s more like a weekend bender and not a lifelong addiction type thing. I don’t think you need to worry about this so much though because you don’t seem like the type of person to stay down for too long.

    4. Remember what you told yourself…rest now so that it doesn’t become a worse problem later. If you don’t listen to your body now you could end up in a much worse situation later.

    5. Agreed you need to find some other form of stress release/outlet. Not sure if you can do it with your injury or if there’s anything near you or I’d you can get a DVD, but kickboxing or tae bo or something like that might be good. It’s physical and a good way to dispel anger and stress. I know it’s not the same and nothing else will be but for your own sanity you have to find some sort of substitute for the interim.

    6. You WILL get better!! You WILL be able to run again. Hang in there!! Sending you lots of healing vibes :).

    • Bel, that was incredibly thoughtful and helpful. Thanks for thinking it is ok for me to be in the dumps for a lil while. I am such an upbeat person that i know it is weird for people to see me depressed, but it happens to everyone. I know I have to just get on with it, but it just feels like a lot of things are coming to a head right now, and that is hurting my head! Just want to get through this as quickly as possible.

    • #2 is one if the first things that has actually made me feel better, thank you.

      • Bel

        Glad I can help! I have had my feelings minimalized or blown off for one reason or another and as far as I am concerned it is NEVER ok to make someone feel like that. So I hope whoever did that to you has stopped. Let me know if they haven’t because I will bitch-slap them.

      • haha, well i guess i am in for it, b/c it’s mostly me doing it to myself!

  3. I agree with Bel:)
    You are allowed to feel however you feel. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling down. Honor your feelings. You are resting your body, you can be gentle with your emotions too.

    When I am feeling down and someone reminds me that there are people that are much worse off than me I want to scream. I know that, you know that too. Its your reality that you have to deal with, not everyone else’s. And right now your reality sucks. I promise that it won’t suck forever.

    Things you can focus on right now that will distract your brain:
    drawing up a training schedule for Liz (not actual running but thinking about running)
    meditation (proven to be beneficial)
    read all those book you might not have time to read otherwise
    movie marathons
    hanging out with Zoe
    naked swimming in the ocean
    hanging out with Liz
    go see a Broadway show (hey, lucky coincidence? I think not)
    practice the flute (you never know when you might need to play to save someone’s life, have you not seen The Goonies?!)

    It is going to alright. Really, it is.

    • lizzie, i love this list!!! yes, i need to do all the things on here! i just told lil sis that i was going to try mediatation and breathng exercises because no matter the imjury, i should be able to breathe and if i can’t, then not running is the least of my problems! and even though it looks like the 16th won’t work for me, i am still wishing and hoping that i will see you soon!!! and thank you for saying it will be all right. you really are one of the few people that say that and i believe it 🙂 finally, i will DEF make you a running plan or even a thinking about running plan!!!

  4. Linda Kisiel

    I’m just going to tell you I love you. That’s it. Mom

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